Untitled as of 7/2/17

Copyright: Ami Beth Cross 2017


Chapter One: The End

March 2017

A storm is coming as I look up and see the vast dark expanse of the eternity of the sky.  I can see it coming for me as rabid dogs chase the intruder.

The wind blows through my hair with her anger, disappointment, and judgment.  Lightning strikes from beyond the dark black clouds that haunt me as I reach for my solid clear liquid glass by my side.  

After a long drag of my poison of choice, I see it again.


Rolling booms shake me to my core.  The entire dark backyard turns into the Fourth of July in an instant.  My eyes are blinded as my destiny plays out her ritual play in front of my chilled being.  Early Spring’s warmth takes over my core as the once gentle breeze turns suddenly into the feel of a soft winter’s blinding snow storm.  Not freezing, but on the precipice of an ice storm that no one could survive.

Fleeting sensations overcome me as my body floats from me with the storm.  The sky screams, the heavens quake and as I see it, I’m not sure if I’m deeply sad, or somewhat relieved.  No matter my feelings, I watch.  In horror and awe, as I die.

Opening my eyes I see the constant flashes of light filled with sadness and the fear of the crackling sound in the sky.   Followed by an antagonistic taunt of reality play out in the form of a dark musical on a grand stage.  I breathe in,  and out, back into the hollows of my being.  Not sure if I’m relieved or grieved that everything is still working, blood running through my veins, sound permeates my being, the scent an early cleansing of the earth takes over as I grip my glass tighter.  

The night’s sky, beauty turns back looking at me, she lifts her hand and urges me on.  To worship the sin I can’t seem to free myself of.  

The inequity that I alone cannot find the courage to beat continues to haunt me. After every obstacle I’ve had to curve my body to avoid, this is the one I can’t  seem to get far away from before it beckons me back into her warm false embrace; even after I saw it.

Clear as day, the sky paints a future for me, if I continue on this path I will die for sure.

Lifting myself off of the concrete I scream out, “God let me give you my life!”

Flowing through me with a fervency like no other I shiver at the very presence of the Creator I so devoutly believe in.  I scream in the presence of an insidious power that I somehow feel as if I can’t win against.  Winning is what I do, expect this.  My mind follows a dark angel who has eyes of death, pale skin, and peeling realism that rips at the flesh falling to the ground as she walks.  Darkness calls, I answer and I take another. Then another, not caring about the vision I just witnessed.

Not one bit…



i want to Live…


i want to die.

Can i live somewhere in between?

i want to feel, yet,  i desire to be numb

Why can’t i just accept that life isn’t perfect, whether I’m numb or present?

Evil thrives in the presence of facades, yet, Grace illuminates through my Truth.

i like to keep my poison private, my beguiling friend, who binds and gags me.

Trying so hard to convince me to take darkness by the hand and pour another.

I want to Live because He died.  And oh what a waste it would be for me to exist hidden behind the mascarade of my lies.

The Truth has already set me free.

Through death, He Overcame

So that I may live my Life in the Light


My Life goes on, past the darkness and into Eternity.