My eighteen-year-old son is done, completed, and finished being raised by me. He’s flying out of the nest into a freedom of opportunity and into the light of promise and the guidance of a God who is good and has endless Grace and mercy upon him. Yet he just doesn’t realize how much…just yet.
I brought him into his world and wept at the greatness of a God who could bless me with such a gift, a child of my own. I gave praise all night as he slept peacefully, knowing my fight for him flowed deeper than I could have ever imagined that March evening in 1998.
I also wept at his bedside at age four, when I thought he may not be destined to continue life on this earth. He was apparently sick, tattered, and worn. Type One Diabetes was the call, insulin injections the prescriptions. For life. His body was failing, yet his spirit never faltered. His joy never left him…not once.
God had plans for my boy. Great, great plans. Far beyond my recognition at the time, only enough peace to keep me afloat. God has a way of doing so.
His life transformed in a beautiful scrapbook of panoramic magnitude in front of me quickly. I began compiling the awards fast, the accolades kept flowing in. While I kept chasing my own dreams, he seemed to chase his own in record speed.
Fast forward to today to his high school graduation. My boy is the strong dream chaser I taught him to be. But the one thing that leaves me empty is…now he is left without…me.
And the thing that leaves me really empty is.. is he is fine without…me.
He doesn’t want me.
He doesn’t need me.
God tells me, it has nothing to do with me.
It is about what God has done through me, with me, yet not about me.
As his mom, I fall to my knees. Knowing that I’ve always been there for him, at the hospital bed of his birth, and the hospital bed of sickness that wanted to take him from me. Through all the highs and lows of his life, It was me that was undeniably there for him. I cheered at the top of my voice as they called his name with every distinguished honor to proclaim third in his class. THIRD!
Yet, I cried tonight after it was all said and done.
Not tears of overwhelming pride because of his grandeur. Of leading worship at church, countless awards, leadership, scholarships, etc…But simply due to the fact that he was no longer mine to keep.
God has prepared him for greatness and I was his first home…and now I realize the birds nest is empty. For he is flying much further than I could have ever dreamed.
After realizing that he really doesn’t want to spend time with me, or listen to my lessons any longer, I wandered to my husband and sobbed.
My husband met me where I was and he said, “I’ve never met a love like this, he is who he is because of you. He is blessed to have you as his mother.”
I sobbed more.
My boy is blessed and I am blessed more because of who God has made him, forever plus some more.